Monthly Archives: January 2018

Man Finds Computer in Trash, Instantly Becomes SEO Expert

This post first appeared on No Strings Project. 

Man finds computer in landfill and immediately becomes a SEO expert, baffles scientists. Details below. 

A man in Florida found the remnants of an ancient Windows 95 computer in a landfill. To his surprise, the computer still worked.

When in contact with the computer, the man suddenly became aware of his incredible SEO expert powers.

He was able to take any website and rank it for the first result, regardless of the keywords or competition. 

After his super powers made the local news, fortune 500 companies began fighting for his talents.

Scientists were skeptical. To verify the integrity of his powers, they created a serious of tests. The tests consisted of challenges to rank for various keywords, including words such as “The” and “Is”.

Florida man was able to build websites and rank for all of their keywords in the number one result, in a matter of minutes.

Scientists were amazed. 

We reached out to a Google representative and they had this to say:

“Nobody has that kind of power. But just in case we released an update to destroy the lives of small business owners because we own the internet”.  

We sent a journalist to speak with Florida man for further investigation.

As it turns out, his computer wasn’t connected to the internet. 

Upon closer inspection, our team of experts noticed his computer was no computer at all but a microwave with the word SEO scribbled onto it.

To do this day, Florida man remains a legend and he will always be known as SEO man.

Last we heard he was working on his memoir and several major publishers have shown interest in publishing it.

We will provide live updates as the story progresses.

Back to you.